


It'll Be Alright

by eatreadwritesleep



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Eating Disorder, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, M/M, Purging, Sad!Louis, binge eating, but Harry is always there to pick him up, but then Harry does thing and Louis feels a bit better, eatingdisorder!louis, good job Harry, he's really sad okay guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-29
Updated: 2013-09-29
Packaged: 2017-12-28 00:20:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/985377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eatreadwritesleep/pseuds/eatreadwritesleep
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Louis eats and eats and eats until he’s sick. He doesn’t understand why, and he hates that he’s such a mess, but regardless, Harry is there to hold him when he’s done.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It'll Be Alright

**Author's Note:**

> Run on sentences are really cool and if these confuse you then imagine that being the inside of Louis' head. :(

It’s the way his voice cracks during his solo that sends him spiraling. Well, the need is always there, but it’s been quiet, not so uncontrollable, but that little squeak in his voice brings it back in full force, this gnawing feeling, creeping on him, not stopping, and he knows it’s going to be a really bad night.

 

Harry is looking at him.

 

The show is over and his face is frozen solid in this creepy perpetual happiness that pleases most of the fans but scares the hell out of his boys because they know him and they can tell that he is not okay.

 

He just needs to get to his room. His suitcase is in his room and in that suitcase is his box and everything he needs is there so how many autographs does he have to sign how many hugs and kisses and ‘hello loves’ does he have to give out before they leave?

 

Harry is still looking at him.

 

Finally they’re in the van and Louis’ knee is bouncing impatiently and he’s biting his nails and the boys keep giving him fleeting worried glances and even Paul driving a bit harsher than usual because he doesn’t exactly know what’s wrong but it’s obvious that Louis wants to be away from everything.

 

Harry’s gaze is never-ending.

 

They’re at the hotel and it’s a fight to get inside as usual and people are screaming and tearing at him just like his mess of a mind but whatever because he’s almost there and he can still feel Harry’s eyes on him but that’s not stopping him he just really needs to be in his room.

 

And then he’s there, and the door is shut behind him, thank goodness he got a room to himself this time. He immediately walks to where his suitcase is tossed on the ground, various items of clothing scattered everywhere. Louis digs to the bottom of the case where his box is waiting, and he pulls it out, setting it before him and sitting cross-legged.

 

Slowly, he opens the box, and stares into its contents, before reaching in a grabbing a candy bar. He peels it open, holding it before him and then taking a huge bite. And another, and then it’s gone and he takes out another bar, and devours that and then it’s a bag of chips, and a pack of cookies, an entire packet of Oreos, cinnamon buns, mini powdered donuts, and he loses count but he doesn’t stop chewing and swallowing and gulping until he kind of…’wakes up’, and he is curled up on the ground in agony with empty food wrappers all around him.

 

He manages to unbutton his jeans before crawling to the bathroom, feeling lower than ever, and lying against the cool tile, willing this all to stay in his stomach.

 

He already failed once, please, please don’t fail again, he could do it, he could keep it in, it would be alright, even though it hurt like hell it hurt it actually really, freaking, hurt, he could keep this in and have one simple victory, something to help him not feel so bad.

 

Hands are suddenly around him and he flinches, because how did Harry get in here?

 

“I asked Paul to get me a spare key card.” Harry says simply, and Louis wonders if he said that out loud or if Harry really did know him so well.

 

He’s positioned so he’s leaning against Harry’s chest, who is leaning against the wall. Harry hums some made up tune or probably some obscure indie band nobody knows about, and he does this thing where he rubs Louis’ full bulging piggy ugly pudgy tummy, in small soothing motions that feels better than it should.

 

But this was only phase one and they both know what is probably coming, and Louis is trying, he’s trying so hard, but this feeling in his gut, this pain, this…this fullness, it hurts and it doesn’t make sense because why did he eat in the first place if he was going to…

 

Louis moves himself out of Harry’s arms and angles himself over the toilet bowl, and he wants to tell Harry not to watch this, really, it’s so gross, he’s gross, but he knows Harry won’t go anywhere.

 

Instead, the younger of the two watches as Louis sticks two fingers down his throat to help things along because it wasn’t happening fast enough and he needed this feeling to lessen, anything, please, just leave him alone, and the sounds and gagging and plops of near solid food pouring into the bowl is so horrible but it just had to happen. Harry doesn’t touch him as he does this, and it’s good because he just doesn’t want to be held as he pukes his guts out…willingly.

 

But he had too. It was so stupid but it needed to be done, and he sighs when everything that can come up has, flushes the toilet, and flops back onto the tile. Harry steps over him, wetting a towel and wiping Louis’ hands clean, and his face, and giving him a tiny mint to suck on, how many calories is that mint, is that really a good idea, but his breath probably stinks, but is it really worth the intake, but Harry sat through this whole thing, do it for Harry, please, mouth, open, right now, take the mint, eat it, you just ate everything else, just eat the stupid mint, and he finally does, before Harry pulls him back against his chest, rubbing his still aching stomach, not as bad as before, but still bad, pretty bad, Louis’ bad, his mental state is bad, what has he done?

 

“I’m sorry Harry…” Louis mumbles, exhausted, hurting, so sad.

 

“Don’t think about that. Let’s just sit here for a bit. Just me and you.”

 

He thinks he’s crying, like, a lot, but Harry doesn’t say anything, and he’s pretty sure Harry’s crying too, because his breath keeps hitching as he hums, and he’s made Harry sad, but he can’t help it that he’s such a failure.

 

“It’ll be alright, Louis.”

 

Louis shrugs.

 

“I love you.” Harry mumbled against him.

 

“I love you too.”

 

And he does, he really does, because Harry is so _Harry_ , to sit with him throughout his and be so patient and caring and loving and, really, if Harry wasn’t there, he’d be so much worse.

 

So yes…he shrugs when Harry says things like, ‘It’ll be alright’ but deep down, so far down, nearly nonexistent, Louis believes him. 


End file.
